TOP FOUR DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MY PARENTS' RELATIONSHIP AND MY MARRIAGE:
1. I grew up in a suburb of Chicago in the 60's and 70's. My dad was a Chicago fireman and my mom was a hairdresser/waitress/belly dancer.
DIFFERENCE: I am not a bellydancer. Thank God my husband doesn't stifle my creativity so badly that I rebel by wearing veils and a navel jewel. However, I do occasionally walk around with dollar bills stuffed into my bra. He likes that.
2. A sample dinner conversation between my parents generally went something like this: DON: "What the hell is this?" ROSE: "It's Chicken Kiev." DON: "What the hell is Chicken Kiev?" ROSE: "Can't you just try something new once in a while?" DON: "Shut up and get me a Harvey Wallbanger."
DIFFERENCE: A sample dinner conversation between me and my husband generally goes something like this: HUSBAND: "What's this?" ME: "It's Walnut-Lentil Loaf, a tasty vegetarian alternative to meat loaf." HUSBAND: "So there's no actual meat in it." ME: "Right. That would be the 'vegetarian' aspect I just mentioned." HUSBAND: "So it's not really meat loaf." ME: "Right. That would be the 'alternative' aspect I just mentioned." HUSBAND: "Okay. Yum."
3. My father used to write the date with his finger on dusty shelves to show my mother how long it had been since she dusted. My mother would say, "If you had time to write the date, why didn't you just pick up a cloth and dust the shelf?"
DIFFERENCE: My husband dusts the shelves. I say, "Since you have time to dust the shelves, can you vacuum too?"
4. My mother would periodically throw my father out of the house because he came home drunk. He would turn back up two days later, woo her into the sack and then tell her what a lucky woman she was.
DIFFERENCE: My husband periodically throws me out of the house so that I can have 'girls night out'. I turn back up a few hours later, woo him into the sack and then tell him what a lucky woman I am.