"Our Mom Is So Calm!" by Ms. Seuss

The sun did not shine,
It was too wet to play.
So we sat in the house,
All that cold, cold wet day.

"Teacher Training" it was,
And the kids were off school.
The Mom thought she could work,
but the Mom was a fool.

"Play with us!"
Said the spawn.
"Play
    Play
        Play
            Play
                Play
                    Play!"
And the Mom got no work done
That whole freakin' day.

Hide 'n' Seek, Boggle, Yatzhee,
Zingo, Leggos, Lite Brite.
One game lasted two hours,
While her tongue Mom did bite.

And did the kiddos
Appreciate Mom?
Did they even acknowledge
that Mom is da bomb?

"Our Mom is so calm!"
Said no one that day.
"What self-control!"
Said no one, ever, not one, nope, no, nay.

"Play with us!
Said the spawn.
"Play
    Play
        Play
            Play
                Play
                    Play!"
"We'll resist being sent
to watch TV today!"

"Can we help you make lunch?
Macaroni and cheese?
Oops, we dropped in some dog hair,
a Sharpie, and keys!"

"Six boogers, an eggshell,
Some blood from a cut,
Oops, sorry, touched the mac'n'cheese
with my butt!"

The Mom closed her eyes,
took a deep, cleansing breath.
She resisted the thought
Of her own peaceful death.

But did anyone say
"Our Mom is so calm!
She should blow up, but instead
handles stress with aplomb!"

"Our Mom is so calm!"
Said no one that day.
"What self-control!"
Said no one, ever, not one, nope, no, nay.

"We'll bounce on our beds!
We'll fall off and cry!
We'll run with scissors,
'til someone loses an eye!"

"We'll poop and not flush!
We won't wash our hands!
We'll aim for your boobies
and shoot rubber bands!"

"We'll dress up the dogs
in your bras and your undies!
We'll tell you we steal
from the church plate on Sundays!"

"We won't bathe and
brushing our teeth is a saga!
We'll tell you we'll grow up
to be Lady Gaga!"

Mom takes a time-out,
The Mom counts up to ten.
Asks Jesus to take her,
doesn't specify when.

But does anyone say
"That Mom is a rock"?
Does anyone realize
she's an emotional jock?

"Our Mom is so calm!"
Said no one that day.
"What self-control!"
Said no one, ever, not one, nope, no, nay.

Then, just before bedtime,
When Mom's reached her ceiling,
One dirty, un-toothbrushed
brat says with some feeling:

"Mommy, you're nice".
And there it is, just in time,
the whole rotten day
turns around on a dime.

But does Mom let it go?

Let the moment just be?

Are you kidding?!

It's time to appreciate me!

photo credit: shenamt via photo pin cc

Comments

[Diana]

Psstt...you are a TOTAL rockstar and even if your kids don't know it your friends do!!

[dusty earth mother]

Thank you, mama. I almost felt the need to rhyme that with llama. Sorry, sing-songy rhythms gonna getcha.

[Shannon Bradley-Colleary]

I love you, I like you, I think you're okay..
Can you come over to my house to play? ...

with
my
spawn
hey hey hey!

[hilljean]

I cannot believe the awesomeness of your rhyming. Are you somehow related to Seuss?

:)

[Tara]

You should hang out with your kids during the day when you should be working more often...it's great for inspiration ;)

hahah

[dusty earth mother]

I wish I could, I wish we were near, I would so love to play and see you, my dear! (we could do this all day, right, Shannon?)

[dusty earth mother]

Im honored! By the way, is your name Jean or some variation on HillBill? Would like to be able to answer you properly, especially if you use words like awesomeness around me. :-)

[Lady Jennie]

Should've fed them green eggs and ham. That would buy you a moment's stupefaction.

[Alexandra]

The Mom closed her eyes,
took a deep, cleansing breath.
She resisted the thought
Of her own peaceful death.

If I had to choose, it'd be that stanza that I love the best.

Her own peaceful death.

Shari: pls don't stop this Seuss talk. I like it a lot.

[Kristin]

You rhymed "aplomb."

Marry me.

[Amanda]

So, so clever!

[dusty earth mother]

I will. I do.

[dusty earth mother]

Thank you, Amanda! Clever, forever, never, lever... Oy, I cant stop.

[Nancy Davis Kho]

I love every bit of this. Perfect.

[dusty earth mother]

Thanks, The Nancy Davis Kho. And no, I dont hang out 24/7 waiting for comments which is why Im responding so quickly. Its only about 20/7.

[sandy riccardi]

This is going to go viral. And I think you should get someone to illustrate it, like that "Go the F&%$ to Sleep" book that's a hit.

[Mod Mom Beyond IndieDom]

You are so, so, so good. Wow. I love this. So delightfully Seussian you are, Shari!

[dusty earth mother]

Thanks, MM! xxoo

[dusty earth mother]

Well, thanks, Sandy. Know anyone who would like to illustrate six boogers and a butt in macncheese?

[Ann]

Fantastic! And way less creepy that Martin Short does Ethel Merman.

[Hillary]

Great job, and so much truth about motherhood in that bizarre, fantastic tale. and all day you didn't do anything that would make you need to request bail!

[dusty earth mother]

Well done, Hillary!